Grandparents Day — some of us have older grandchildren who are already adults, some younger ones; some close by, some far away; and unfortunately due to broken relationships, some estranged. I can only speak for myself and my own granddaughters, a nine-year-old in Washington State and a 5 1/2 year-old in West Virginia.

My grandparents lived in Minnesota and we made the trip from St. Louis north every summer.  However, they were all deceased by the time I was in middle school and I have few memories. I’m so glad the world has changed! I’m grateful that I have the resources to visit them at least once or twice a year and perhaps show them around my home town once or twice, as well.

Technology has helped bridge the gap.

My first granddaughter kissed the computer monitor when she was barely one, and I was “hooked.” Every time we visited we had fun on the computer, either looking at photos of her as a baby, making silly faces on Photo Booth, or playing with letters, numbers, and eventually words on a word-processing page. When we’re apart, we enjoy using such sites as Skype or Duo. I can see the latest school project or gymnastic twirl.

What’s in the mail?

Another fun way to connect with grandchildren who live out of town is through regular mail; who doesn’t like to receive a letter?  I get lots of free cards in the mail, usually with animals on them.  And stickers — sometimes I buy sheets at the Dollar Store and sometimes I snip them off the many address labels that come in the mail. Following my faith tradition, I remind them of their baptism dates.

I’ve always encouraged the love of reading. A monthly magazine reminds them that Grandma loves them, and sometimes I send a book from Amazon directly to their homes as a surprise. It’s not really an extravagance, as I know if we lived in the same city, I’d be spending a lot more money at fast food restaurants and movies with them.

Redefining fun

As they get older, so do I. At 75, I can no longer do some of the fun activities we used to do. I can’t be as physically active as they, so joining them on hikes or cave exploring just can’t be done anymore.  So I’ve looked for new activities. 

We can still share books and cook together. On the older granddaughter’s last visit I showed her how to sew and she made a tote bag.  It took longer than I thought for her to feel confident and sew a straight line, but eventually she got the hang of it and more importantly, was proud of her achievement.

I’ve also learned to ask her how to do something on the computer or the cell phone; she loves to show me how something works, chuckling that she knows more than Grandma.

Telling a story one memory at a time

I regret I know nothing about my grandparents’ lives and not much about my parents’ lives.  So some time ago I got a three-ring binder and divided it into decades.  As the memories flowed, the sections grew.  I didn’t start from beginning to end; I worked when a memory was triggered such as my mom’s visit to us in Japan. One time I just wrote where I was when important national events took place (man on moon, assassinations, 9-11).  When J.C. Penney’s closed its catalog division, I was prompted to write about how important it had been when we lived overseas. I could order Sesame Street items for my then three-year-old! I’ve added where I’ve lived, where I’ve worked, where I’ve traveled, including what we did on all our visits.

My next endeavor will be photo projects, a “Grandma and Me” book for each.  When my older granddaughter starts college, I’ll be 90; the younger one will graduate from high school in 2031! So I might miss major events in both their lives.  I hope to leave a legacy for them, a legacy of memories. Time well spent.

As summer winds down, I reflect on my grandchildren returning to school and the huge role technology plays in their days.  Most of their lessons and information are sent to them in one electronic form or another.

I grew up with textbooks, no computer and a crank phone on a party line that closed each night at 9 pm. A phone was only used later than that in an extreme emergency.

The best present I ever got as a child was a switchboard in which I was the operator connecting people to their party. I couldn’t imagine connecting with my friends in real time then, but I probably would have relished being in touch with my friends the way my grandchildren are today.

Now its all about staying in touch with them. I wish I could wiggle my nose like Samantha Stevens did in Bewitched and teleport to my granddaughter’s house,  but at least we can connect by phone, no matter when or where we are.

The vanishing flip phone

Not so long ago, I was quite happy with my flip phone.  It was compact and easy for me to use. I also enjoyed its budget friendly fees.

Then my youngest granddaughter began spending more time at home alone while her older sister worked and we started to talk a lot on our land lines. I’ve talked her through homework, minor wounds and tornado sirens. I became her personal helpline.

One day when she wanted me to see a problem she was struggling with for homework, I began to rethink the usefulness of a smart phone.  My other three grandchildren were increasingly difficult to reach by phone call so I purchased an iPhone to interact with them whenever they had a need.

Practical magic

I’m just beginning to discover the wizardry of how my smart phone brings me closer to my grandchildren.

1. I have more ways to be there for them. It may not be with a phone call –  more likely we text or FaceTime. Oftentimes, all they need is to hear a loving voice or see a text that says you’re rooting for them.
2. My husband and I can virtually attend their events when we can’t be there in person. Seeing their choir concerts, football games, track meets and robotic events is a blessing I can’t put a dollar amount on.
3. We can see things together in the blink of a eye. if she’s having trouble with an assignment, she can take a picture and text it to me so I can see what she is working on.

In an interesting turn of events, the grandchild for whom I am the helpline is quite a computer wizard and has become my tech support.  I just start saying what I am confused about and she immediately knows how to help me solve my problem.

The future of technology is astonishing. I told my granddaughter that not so far in the future we would be able to wiggle our noses and be together in a matter of seconds. Whatever spells we can weave with the gadgets of tomorrow, I have learned to stay up to date with technology so I can stay close to the ones I love the most and keep in touch with the world.

This Grandparents Day, consider trying a new way to connect with your grandchildren. It worked for me.

About the author

Guest author Bonnie VanDeVelde is a retired Radiologic Technologist (aka X-ray technician) and has been the support for her husband David and her children Amy and Michael for 48 years. She also provided superior end of life support for her parents and her in-laws, whom she adored.  Bonnie currently enjoys time spent with her neighbors and her family. She is a voracious reader and enjoys writing rhyming tribute poetry. Her tribute poem to her career as an X-ray technician was published by the Illinois Society for Radiologic Technologists in 2011.

Ernestine Mathis will have a full Mother’s Day this year. She will look forward to spending time with her son Darrick who lives near her home in San Antonio. But she also looks forward to seeing her granddaughters Donnetta and Channice—well, their faces that is. Ernestine enjoys visiting with her granddaughters via Skpe since Donnetta now lives in Baltimore and Channice now lives in Chicago.

Mathis has been taking Oasis technology classes at San Antonio’s District 10 Senior Center for at least three years now.

“I noticed things in the world were on the move but I was at a standstill when it came to technology. I was already taking an exercise and a yoga class and so I decided why not try the technology classes as well? The classroom was usually full and people were smiling.”

She used a computer daily before retiring from the Social Security Administration and she owned a laptop computer that allowed her to email her friends who were still in Chicago. Between email and talking on her land line she still felt connected. Mathis enrolled in an Introduction to Computers class led by instructor Tom Weaver and she has not looked back since. With Tom’s guidance she now uses Facebook, Skype, Gmail chat, and smart phone and tablet.

“I enjoy keeping the tablet with me while I am at home—it’s much less bulky than my laptop. When I am out and about I can use my smart phone to take a picture.”  Mathis attributes her continual learning to Weaver’s patient and proactive teaching style. “He directs our learning in a very kind way but you also know that he expects you to advance.”

She was content with her flip phone but Weaver suggested she could upgrade. He then helped Mathis and a classmate choose smart phones. The two students bought the same model of smart phone so they could help each other. Mathis said that the ability for the two friends to help each other also gave her a new insight—that she was capable of helping others with some of their technology problems.

Like all mothers, Ernestine Mathis is a teacher. Sometimes she has the opportunity to teach her son Darrick how to do something on his smart phone.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers keeping lifelong learning on their personal agendas.

As one enjoying the last chapters of life, I have read a lot about organizing financial matters, making end-of-life plans, downsizing, and so forth. Sometimes included among these “wonderful” topics is that of leaving a legacy.

Sure, I could write letters to my children and grandchildren, encouraging them to be kind and loving, care for the earth, stay close to their Creator, and leave the world a better place because of the lives they live; I may do that. I can make lists about who gets the china, the silver, the jewelry.

A posting in Facebook recently made me think of a different type of legacy members of my generation could leave. This person, whom I don’t even know, posted a photo of two small crosses that her grandmother had tatted many years ago that were a precious memento. This picture generated many comments from her friends who either remembered their own grandmothers enjoying that craft or were envious that they didn’t know how to do it or had never even heard of “tatting.”

I must admit I don’t know how to tat, although my mother did until her arthritis stilled her hands. I found good beginner videos on YouTube, so maybe someday. But I do know how to knit and sew. I know how to play bridge and mah jongg. I did try to teach my daughter how to knit once while she helped me recover from a knee replacement. It was a slow process, but one that brought a lot of laughs as each row she knitted ended up with a different number of stitches than what she started with. She eventually mastered at least the fundamentals of knitting, but then cast that aside when the time restraints of mothering began.

My father taught me how to play cribbage, and she’s learned that from me. I hope she will pass that along to her daughter — to be played on a real board with real pegs, not on a computer screen!

I can only hope that today’s young people will take some time away from their electronics and explore the arts and crafts that have been passed down for many generations. I know I for one, am going to get out the knitting needles and dust off my sewing machine when my seven-year-old granddaughter comes to town. Many years from now maybe she’ll say, “My Grandma taught me that.” And who knows, maybe we’ll both learn to tat.

And then I’ll write that letter about making the world a better place.

Hailey and I formed a Skyping relationship long before she was two years old.

She would sit on my daughter’s lap while we exchanged the news of the day between Seattle and St. Louis. One of my favorite memories of my infant granddaughter is Hailey leaning into the computer screen, coming closer and closer, and planting a kiss on the monitor. Miles away, I felt that kiss!

As she got older, we shared many a computer moment. I would open a Word document, select a very large font and the cap lock, and she would type letters and say their names. Later, I added the lower case; she learned how to put a space between the words and eventually learned how to use the shift key to make question marks and capitol letters. She loved the delete key and found it magic when she not only could delete letter by letter, but whole sentences and even the whole page!

The most fun, however, was when she learned how to change from one color to another; she banished black forever. She discovered that she could select a color from either a color wheel or a box of crayons. She especially loved selecting a crayon and then typing its name — fun words like “maraschino” and “strawberry” and “midnight” would be typed in the color the crayon named. Not only was this a computer skill but also a vocabulary builder!

Another fun way we used the computer was to “text”: I’d write her some sentences and hand her the computer and then she’d write an answer or create her own sentences. She also learned to use the chat feature on Yahoo Messenger to carry on a conversation. A word underlined in red meant to check the spelling. She is a budding author!

Hailey also learned to treat Grandma’s computer with respect; the few times it was in danger, it was put away for another time. She became careful holding it on her little lap so it wouldn’t fall off. She just turned seven, and I’m not even cautious anymore; she is growing up in a cyber-filled world and already is at home. There are two things she will always associate with her grandma far away: baking cookies and using a computer!